The experience you are having growing up as a girl isn’t the same for guys. You’re fueled by estrogen and he’s fueled by testosterone. Another important thing to remember is that the female brain, on average, matures two to three years earlier than the male brain. (That may be why during freshman year you might find yourself losing interest in guy pals your own age and lusting after seniors!)

Here are some important things to keep in mind about your friends, crushes and boyfriends:

• Remember Romeo and Juliet? If only the two lovers had known that their brain circuits were under major reconstruction. If only they’d known that their sex hormones were causing brain cells to grow and sprout extensions, and that it would take several years to form structurally sound connections once those extensions were plugged into the correct outlets in mature prefrontal cortexes. These unfinished extension cords, most prominent in the connections from the emotion center of the amygdala to the emotional control center of the prefrontal cortex, need to be coated with a substance called myelin that allows for fast conduction before they can function reliably under stress. This may now happen until the late teens or early adult years. Without it, emotional impulses often result in immediate, raw behaviors and circuit overload.
• You may enjoy talking about everything with your girls, but guys don’t experience that same impulse. Testosterone has been shown to decrease talking as well as interest in socializing, except when it involves sports or sexual pursuit. So when you’re communicating with a guy and you want him to be attentive, keep this in mind.
• Yes, guys have sex on the brain, but it’s also weird for them. The thoughts are new for him, and their sudden arrival can make him feel isolated and ashamed. He’s also dealing with spontaneous erections, which he doesn’t want you, his teachers, his coaches or his parents to notice. So just as you wish that you could stop obsessing about your bra size or waistline, remember that guys might also be uncomfortable.
• If you’re dating someone, remember that everyone around you is just getting to know their body’s needs and how, mentally, that effects them. Bodies and minds aren’t always on the same page, so be aware of yourself. You may be curious about him and want to please him, but also make sure that you’re doing what you’re comfortable with and that you’re giving yourself permission to enjoy your own body’s natural changes.

Your brain’s way of coping with all the hormonal stress you’re under comes from your happiness hormone, called oxytocin. A rush of oxytocin is the brain’s biggest neurological reward, and for teen girls nothing is more rewarding than connecting with friends. So the next time your mom asks why you won’t stop text messaging your bff or a guy asks why you and your ladies are all heading to the bathroom together, say you need an Oxytocin Fix. As I said before, however, you’re a little sensitive to other people’s opinion right now, which means friends can be a double-edged sword. Keep in mind these things about how you interact with your girls:

• Your oxytocin rushes center around talking, flirting and socializing. Just like you’ve been warned about the risks of abusing highs from drugs and alcohol, you can overdose on these activities, too. Part of getting older means learning how to balance responsibilities with what feels good. Homework will never be as fun as gazing into the starting quarterback’s puppy dog eyes and giggling with your pals about it later, but it has to get done.
• Your friends are constantly with you: on text, on Facebook, on the phone. It’s tempting to have your eyes glued to a screen all day. Make sure you’re still getting some personal time, as well as face-to-face time with the people who are most important to you.
• Girls love spending time together, but they can also be very competitive when it comes to guys and social status. This is also related to that estrogen-progesterone surge we talked about earlier. I talk at length about “Mean Girls” on pgs. 54-56 in “The Female Brain.” Some girls are more naturally predisposed to this tendency than others, but it can be fueled by social factors as well.

It probably gets old to hear that your parents are perplexed by your stereotypical “teenage behaviors,” because you still love them. You just have your own life going now, which is really what’s at the core of family dynamics during this transitional period. Your brain is preparing you to become independent and make your own decisions, but until you get used to your new maturity there’s going to be some tension in the family ranks. (And, frankly, for the rest of your lives. Parents never stop worrying about or lovingly meddling with their kids.)

Some considerations:

• Hormone and serotonin changes can result in a malfunction in the brain’s seat of judgment (the prefrontal cortex), and dramatic, uncontrolled emotions can push through more easily from the primitive parts of the brain. This can get you into trouble: i.e. being labeled disruptive in class, crying outbursts, aggressiveness, or other extreme behavior.
• If you aren’t able to manage extreme or reckless emotions and your parents’ support isn’t helping, you may want to see a doctor and ask him if you have PMDD, which is a form of extreme PMS.
• Much of “The Teen Brain” chapter in the book deals with parental issues, and as cheesy or awkward as it might seem, you may want to discuss some of the situations I cover in it with your parents. Mutual understanding reduces stressful disagreements and improves communications.

The female brain is a dynamic, capable entity. Your female brain can take you anywhere you want to go, whatever you determine your priorities to be. You may want to go to a top-ranked college or travel the world. You may want to be the first female president, or you may want to be a stay-at-home mom. Whatever your objective, as you go through life your brain power will be your greatest asset: a gut instinct, a decision maker, a way to connect with others. It may be confusing now as you start to experience emotions more intensely, but remember that equipped with the right knowledge you can manage what’s happening.

Some thoughts on how to achieve your best Teen Brain Power:

• Have fun with friends and experiment with love, but make time for personal development. Your brain will thank you for it later.
• Get plenty of sleep. Like your cell phone, your brain needs to charge.
• Use resources available to you, like teachers, coaches, counselors and your doctor. Hormone changes that may be challenging in your life can be treated with therapy and support.
• Find women mentors of all ages. The great news is: We’ve all been through this, too, and we can learn from each other’s experiences.