You’ve got a lot going on biologically. It’s all being set in motion by your pituitary gland, which is teaming up with your pulsing hypothalamic cells to push your ovaries into action. This is what starts your period, when you’ll experience a number of estrogen and progesterone surges and drops. (There’s a great graphic about this on pg. 33 in “The Female Brain.”) These surges are the driving factors behind your mood, which has a lot to do with your self-esteem and how you relate to others. Equipping yourself with knowledge about how these fluctuations work can help you predict some of your behaviors and cope. Keep some of these things in mind:

• Many parts of the female brain – including the hippocampus (memory and learning), the hypothalamus (controls your body’s organs), and the amygdala (your center of emotions) – are affected by the estrogen-progesterone fuel.
• One of the greatest changes you’ll notice is that you’re picking up on emotional nuances, like when someone says one thing but you can tell from her tone and frown that she means something entirely different. This ability is one of the female brain’s greatest strengths. Over time, you’ll learn how to manage this great skill (it will surely help you in the boardroom one day when you’re an awesome CEO!), but right now it means you may feel hyper-sensitive to feedback from others. Your mom might say you shouldn’t wear a pair of short shorts, and on one day you might think she means it’s too cold outside and on another day that she’s saying you’re too fat for them. It’s probably good to get in the habit of not reacting to other people’s observations too strongly, positively or negatively. Use your own mind to check what really makes sense.
• Even cave girls wanted the hottest cave boys to ask them to the tribal dance, long before Cosmopolitan or Maxim magazine existed. Being desirable is a part of socialization and human evolution; so remember that girls would likely be doing some form of body obsession regardless of media, models and actresses. Still you or your close friends may want to decide to limit the emphasis you all place on the unrealistic things you see going on around you. I hear from many of my older female patients that the way they eventually beat eating disorders and negative thoughts about their appearance was by shutting out the stereotypes that made them feel bad in the first place. It may take until you’re older to appreciate the body you already have and treat it kindly, but you can make a conscious effort now to build a positive foundation.
• You need to get a lot of sleep. Teens require more sleep than their younger siblings or their parents. (And if they’re bugging you to wake up at 8am on Saturday morning, show them pg. 43 in “The Female Brain”!)
• You are most sensitive to negative moods the week before your period starts. Fish Oil supplements and extra exercise can help alleviate the symptoms, but you should talk to your doctor about it to be safe.

* If you’re an athlete and working out hard every day, you’re period may not come every month or be irregular. This is normal. The brain shuts down the hormones of the menstrual cycle in times of physical stress—like intense athletic workouts.

The experience you are having growing up as a girl isn’t the same for guys. You’re fueled by estrogen and he’s fueled by testosterone. Another important thing to remember is that the female brain, on average, matures two to three years earlier than the male brain. (That may be why during freshman year you might find yourself losing interest in guy pals your own age and lusting after seniors!)

Here are some important things to keep in mind about your friends, crushes and boyfriends:

• Remember Romeo and Juliet? If only the two lovers had known that their brain circuits were under major reconstruction. If only they’d known that their sex hormones were causing brain cells to grow and sprout extensions, and that it would take several years to form structurally sound connections once those extensions were plugged into the correct outlets in mature prefrontal cortexes. These unfinished extension cords, most prominent in the connections from the emotion center of the amygdala to the emotional control center of the prefrontal cortex, need to be coated with a substance called myelin that allows for fast conduction before they can function reliably under stress. This may now happen until the late teens or early adult years. Without it, emotional impulses often result in immediate, raw behaviors and circuit overload.
• You may enjoy talking about everything with your girls, but guys don’t experience that same impulse. Testosterone has been shown to decrease talking as well as interest in socializing, except when it involves sports or sexual pursuit. So when you’re communicating with a guy and you want him to be attentive, keep this in mind.
• Yes, guys have sex on the brain, but it’s also weird for them. The thoughts are new for him, and their sudden arrival can make him feel isolated and ashamed. He’s also dealing with spontaneous erections, which he doesn’t want you, his teachers, his coaches or his parents to notice. So just as you wish that you could stop obsessing about your bra size or waistline, remember that guys might also be uncomfortable.
• If you’re dating someone, remember that everyone around you is just getting to know their body’s needs and how, mentally, that effects them. Bodies and minds aren’t always on the same page, so be aware of yourself. You may be curious about him and want to please him, but also make sure that you’re doing what you’re comfortable with and that you’re giving yourself permission to enjoy your own body’s natural changes.

Your brain’s way of coping with all the hormonal stress you’re under comes from your happiness hormone, called oxytocin. A rush of oxytocin is the brain’s biggest neurological reward, and for teen girls nothing is more rewarding than connecting with friends. So the next time your mom asks why you won’t stop text messaging your bff or a guy asks why you and your ladies are all heading to the bathroom together, say you need an Oxytocin Fix. As I said before, however, you’re a little sensitive to other people’s opinion right now, which means friends can be a double-edged sword. Keep in mind these things about how you interact with your girls:

• Your oxytocin rushes center around talking, flirting and socializing. Just like you’ve been warned about the risks of abusing highs from drugs and alcohol, you can overdose on these activities, too. Part of getting older means learning how to balance responsibilities with what feels good. Homework will never be as fun as gazing into the starting quarterback’s puppy dog eyes and giggling with your pals about it later, but it has to get done.
• Your friends are constantly with you: on text, on Facebook, on the phone. It’s tempting to have your eyes glued to a screen all day. Make sure you’re still getting some personal time, as well as face-to-face time with the people who are most important to you.
• Girls love spending time together, but they can also be very competitive when it comes to guys and social status. This is also related to that estrogen-progesterone surge we talked about earlier. I talk at length about “Mean Girls” on pgs. 54-56 in “The Female Brain.” Some girls are more naturally predisposed to this tendency than others, but it can be fueled by social factors as well.

It probably gets old to hear that your parents are perplexed by your stereotypical “teenage behaviors,” because you still love them. You just have your own life going now, which is really what’s at the core of family dynamics during this transitional period. Your brain is preparing you to become independent and make your own decisions, but until you get used to your new maturity there’s going to be some tension in the family ranks. (And, frankly, for the rest of your lives. Parents never stop worrying about or lovingly meddling with their kids.)

Some considerations:

• Hormone and serotonin changes can result in a malfunction in the brain’s seat of judgment (the prefrontal cortex), and dramatic, uncontrolled emotions can push through more easily from the primitive parts of the brain. This can get you into trouble: i.e. being labeled disruptive in class, crying outbursts, aggressiveness, or other extreme behavior.
• If you aren’t able to manage extreme or reckless emotions and your parents’ support isn’t helping, you may want to see a doctor and ask him if you have PMDD, which is a form of extreme PMS.
• Much of “The Teen Brain” chapter in the book deals with parental issues, and as cheesy or awkward as it might seem, you may want to discuss some of the situations I cover in it with your parents. Mutual understanding reduces stressful disagreements and improves communications.

The female brain is a dynamic, capable entity. Your female brain can take you anywhere you want to go, whatever you determine your priorities to be. You may want to go to a top-ranked college or travel the world. You may want to be the first female president, or you may want to be a stay-at-home mom. Whatever your objective, as you go through life your brain power will be your greatest asset: a gut instinct, a decision maker, a way to connect with others. It may be confusing now as you start to experience emotions more intensely, but remember that equipped with the right knowledge you can manage what’s happening.

Some thoughts on how to achieve your best Teen Brain Power:

• Have fun with friends and experiment with love, but make time for personal development. Your brain will thank you for it later.
• Get plenty of sleep. Like your cell phone, your brain needs to charge.
• Use resources available to you, like teachers, coaches, counselors and your doctor. Hormone changes that may be challenging in your life can be treated with therapy and support.
• Find women mentors of all ages. The great news is: We’ve all been through this, too, and we can learn from each other’s experiences.